Director Elizabeth Banks
Starring Kristen Stewart, Naomi Scott, Ella Balinska
Rated M
Score 0/6

When a young systems engineer blows the whistle on a dangerous technology, Charlie’s Angels are called into action, putting their lives on the line to protect us all.

Before I start a small lesson to all the aspiring filmmakers who just might happen to be reading this review about marketing movies curtesy of Elizabeth Banks. Don’t pull this stupid move. By that I mean don’t insult a section of your potential audience (like men) and say something ahead of the release of your movie that your movie is not meant for men and then don’t double down and go on to blame men when your movie goes on to bomb at the box office because they did not go and see it.
Okay. Alright, this 2019 version of Charlie’s Angels seems to be aimed at women under the age of about 22, it has nothing going for it that it would make it appealing to a 30 something male like me. This is a ‘I really I wish I did not even entertain the idea of watching this’ kind of movie.

There where no memorable performances in this, but then again, I don’t go into an action movie expecting to find them. I was surprised to see Patrick Stewart and Djimon Hounsou cast in this considering they are capable of so much more.

Elizabeth Banks was not qualified to direct an action movie and by not qualified I mean that she had not directed an action movie before, she clearly had no idea what she was doing and I can only hope that she learned from the mistakes she made with this multi-million dollar oopsie. My advice this version of Charlie’s Angels should have been just an Action movie and not an Action/Adventure/Comedy. Charlie’s Angels 2019 is the Ocean’s Eight of spy movies. But at least with Ocean’s Eight there was a coherent plot unlike with this dumpster fire which appeared to have missing plot points that appeared to be vital to the finale of the movie.

I must ask, was this supposed to be some kind a secret feature length television pilot for a potential television series? If it was then that would start to explain the lack of action in some of the action sequences. If this was supposed to have been a ‘female empowerment’ movie the ‘Quartermaster scene’ or in this case the ‘There is Another Closet? Scene’ the set dressing would have been a lot more tactical and feature a few rows of actual weapons spread out amoungst the racks of clothes and don’t so cliched as to start on a tight shot of a row of shoes.