Director John Shepphird
Stars Jack Scalia, Jeremy Luke, Joseph Russo
Rated MA
Score 0/6
Trouble encircles Seaside Heights, NJ as once more, intense drilling vibrations coming from the town’s new beach resort attract a swarm of deadly sharks who crave human flesh. Under those circumstances, the sheriff’s son, TC, and his friends, who bear an uncanny resemblance to the cast of Jersey Shore (2009), decide to take matters into their own hands to avert an upcoming Fourth-of-July massacre.
A telemovie that has been featured on Syfy are so easy to dump on especially when they have the same ‘you get what you paid for’ CGI effects that I readily associate with movies released by The Asylum. Yes, those of you who have been reading my reviews for awhile might have realised a long time ago that I have issues with The Asylum. I am certain that They Asylum have no idea I exist, and these issues essentially boil down to the occasional need for cinematic self-inflicted injuries (the time spent watching these movies). Jersey Shore Shark Attack is one of those movies where it is possibly best that you disconnect your brain within the first few minutes of the movie to avoid any potential headaches from some of the stupider moments of the film and the following mantra of ‘what the heck was I thinking deciding to watching this’. I wasn’t familiar with the director or any of the main cast, though it looks that one member of the cast of the Jersey Shore, Vinny Guadagnino starred in this. The cliched plot, questionable CGI and bad acting (that was highlighted by a bar fight that looked like it was a choregraphed tickle fight) left me with a small headache. It’s an awful movie that had aspirations of being a bad movie. The grindhouse-esque cuts between scenes, the nods to Jaws, the sequence featuring Joey Fatone and the fact that the movie referenced a historical incident The Jersey Shore shark attacks of 1916 suggested that they were trying for something that was not painful to watch and perhaps didn’t have the budget to pull it off completely. I kind of enjoyed Tony Sirico’s performance as Captain Salie while Jack Scalia’s performance was enough to make Jeremy Luke’s wooden performance as TC tolerable.
